New Year, New Me

I’m hiding from everyone today. I’m not sure why. I woke up and thought I really don’t want to deal with anyone today. Obviously I have to take care of my son but everyone else…I don’t want to be bothered. It felt liberating to turn my phone off. I would turn fb chat off too but I have one friend I want to be available to. So that’s that. I’m trying to start taking care of myself.

It’s been a while. I guess I can only focus on a few things at once and my weight really isn’t a top priority when I have school, family and a house to take care of. I got overwhelmed really fast and kind of broke down and let a lot go. I’m trying to remember not to take on too much. I’ve started to just give myself a couple small goals per day and take it one day at a time. I’d like to hop back on the weight loss train.

The good news is that I’ve maintained what weight loss I have accomplished. I tend to float between 158 and 162. So a nice starting point.

Maybe stressful is the wrong word. How about intensely busy? Every thing was something I had to do but I’ve got a list 18 miles long of other stuff I have to do. I feel like I’ve been neglecting myself to get these things done. I’m getting behind on school work and haven’t been eating well and those things make me feel stressed and frustrated. I’m struggling to find a balance between taking care of me, taking care of my son and doing what others need me to do. I should learn to say no to other people but I struggle to tell myself no as well.

I just haven’t figured out how to do all of this yet. I’m trying so hard so it’s even more frustrating when I feel like I’ve failed.

Today’s gonna be a good day. I know it will be. I’m gonna eat really good. Try to figure out a better way to log my food. My fitness pal just isn’t cutting it any more. I think I’m going to slowly transition to paleo. Except for dairy. I like dairy.

I just have a really positive outlook today. Maybe it’s because I went to gym last night. My sister went with me and we did 15 minutes on each, treadmill, elliptical and recumbent bike. It was harder than I ever remember. But I’m gonna make myself go again tonight. It felt good afterwards.

It’s going to be an awesome day. I can’t control everything that happens but I can control myself. I’m going to make it a good day.

So yeah, let’s talk about how lazy I’ve been. Basically, I’ve been struggling with sugar and not feeling well. It makes me feel like crap about myself. I feel fat and lazy and sluggish. And I feel even worse because I watch myself do it and have so little willpower.

I went shopping with my sister yesterday because I haven’t purchased normal people clothes in over a year. By normal people clothes, I mean not maternity. It felt weird. I’ve never been great at judging my own size. So I ended up with some XLs that I think may be too big. But I bought size 12 jeans which made me incredibly happy! The last two times I bought jeans they were 14’s.

Today, I’m planning on going to the Y, getting a TON of homework done and just eating things that aren’t loaded with sugar. Oh and I want to finish watching Fat Head. I’m loving that movie. I’ve always had some fundamental problems with Supersize Me.

Compared to things I used to do, I’ve gotten so much better at being healthier. But seriously, I need to step it up. I’ve gotten complacent and been letting myself cheat a lot and I’m seeing so much room from improvement. So I’ve decided to use March to really step it up. I really need to stop giving in and eating crap all the time and saying oh I’ll go to the Y tomorrow. This is what I’m going to accomplish this month.

Here are my goals for March:

1. 15 minute mile
   Admittedly, not an amazing pace but my PR is 23:39.
2. Lose 5 pounds.
   I’ve been averaging 2 pounds a week but I’m not doing any kind of strength training so I’m worried that a lot of that is muscle. If I start doing strength training and continue to lose 2 pounds a week, that’s awesome!

Here’s my plan for accomplishing this:

• Run 3 times a week.
  Preferably 5, but I’m committing to committing to 3.
• Start 30 Day Shred.
  I’m not going to do this 30 days in a row. Just 5 days a week.
• 64 ounces of water daily.
• No more sugary treats/junk food.
  It’s my weakness. Cutting down to one cheat day per week.
• Post 3+ times a week.

I’m going to take some pictures and measurements.

Last week was a long week. In short, I got sick and didn’t eat a whole lot for like two days. The days I did eat were filled with sugar, sugar, sugar. Yesterday and this morning have been incredibly stressful. Spring break is next week but I have a ton to get done for my classes. Haven’t worked out since a week ago Saturday. But March will be different. I think I’m going to take a mental health month. I’ll definitely have a plan of what I want to accomplish in March. I’ll post that either tonight or tomorrow. Just something to get my ass back in gear. Anyways here’s my weigh in for this week:

Starting weight: 172
Weight from last week: 162
Weight from this week: 160

Workouts from last week:

Wed: 1.84 miles, 45 minutes
Thurs: 2.48 miles, 1 hour
Sat: 2.02 miles, 45 minutes

I don’t really have a plan when I go to the Y. I just hop on the treadmill and try to improve my pace even by just a little bit every time. I know I should be doing this on the track not the treadmill. I’m still using the treadmill as my security blanket. I know I should be doing strength training, even if I just do it at home. I have no freaking clue how to go about accomplishing that one.

Weight from last week: 165 lbs
Weight from this week: 162 lbs

This week I’m going to try hard to
1. not eat as many sweets/sugary treats.
2. drink my 64 oz of water daily.
3. just cut the crap from my diet.
4. post every day.

It was so hard to grocery shop last night. All I wanted were those over processed things I used to make and eat for dinner. But I did good. Nothing super bad made it into my cart even though they already have those giant chocolate bunnys out at the grocery store.

1.84 miles on the treadmill, 45 minutes.

It’s not much but you have to start somewhere. At first I was mad at myself for using the treadmill but it was a new place and I needed something familiar as my crutch. I also felt pretty embarrassed when I told my boyfriend. He has a ten minute mile without training. So I’m just proud I went and did something for me. It felt good and I didn’t think about any of my other issues while I was going. My head was clear when I was done. I definitely want to go back tonight.

I don’t really have any training plan. Just to go further in the same amount of time each time I go. I’ll probably go three times a week. The Y I go to has an indoor track, any ideas how many laps is one mile? Does anyone have any suggestions for what I should be doing at the Y?

(I keep telling myself post more often, I really should do that)

Last week, I went 5 days without consuming sweets. I’ve had some kind of sweet treat every day since then. Starting tomorrow, I’m going to try going 5 days again without sweets. It worked well for me.

So on Sunday, I bought myself a membership to the Y. It was kind of impulsive. I really just wanted to feel better. My boyfriend always feels so good when he works out and he’s so bummed he has to take 6 weeks off and I want to feel that way too. I think I’m going to run. Like on the track, not a treadmill. I’m really nervous. I feel like I have no idea what I’m doing. Am I the only person who feels super nervous? Liiiike where do I put my water when I’m running?